"Dough" is the fourth episode of the third series. It was first broadcast on 27 January 1995. Eddie has been locked in his bedroom for a week forging money, and sets off with Richie down to the pub to spend it.
Richie is in his bedroom, having just finished reading War & Peace. He is disturbed by loud industrial noises from Eddie's bedroom, whom we learn has been in there for a week. Eddie won't tell Richie what he is doing in there, and despite his best efforts to get in, only succeeds in getting his genitals set on fire and falling down the stairs. After extinguishing the flames with Elvis's goldfish bowl, Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog arrive. Eddie shows them upstairs, and Richie follows excitedly, finally thinking he is going to find out what he's been up to all along. Richie eventually gets in to find that he has set up a counterfeit money forge in his room, and has produced several thousand pounds worth of currency. The only problem is that the designs of the notes are pornographic.
They head down the pub anyway, and try to pay for a round of drinks with a £27 note. Dick Head becomes engrossed in the explicit doodles on the note and temporarily overlooks their indiscretions. As the boys sit and have a drink, Dick goes out the back and telephones Skullcrusher Henderson, the master forger of old London town, and tells him about the note. He then goes back into the bar and tells the boys that Skullcrusher is not at all happy with their little money forging operation, and wants them to stop. To make it worse, he wants £5,000 by midnight or he will come round and crush their skulls. Eddie notices that the pub is holding a quiz later on, with the prize money coincidentally being five grand. They decide to sign up to the quiz, and use gold teeth as payment. They return later in the evening having done some revision.
Before the quiz begins, Eddie wanders around to the other contestants' tables and "fixes their buzzers" so they give an electric shock when pressed. Richie in the meantime secretes a stash of encyclopedias in the gents toilets. As each team succumbs to a violent electric shock, chaos ensues and they all end up getting taken away by paramedics, leaving only Richie and Eddie's team behind. They are unable to answer the final question, and Richie slinks off to the gents to check the encyclopedias while Eddie subdues Dick by getting him to waffle on about his football career. Richie finds that a patron has used the books as toilet paper, and ends up getting assaulted.
Returning to the bar, his effort seems to have been wasted as Dick declares them the winner of the quiz anyway. As they waltz towards the exit with their prize, Skullcrusher walks in. They hand him the cash before leaving, but he stops them both and reveals the note he has forged. He announces it is "skull crushing time," and knocks their heads together.
Steven O'Donnell as Spudgun
Christopher Ryan as Dave Hedgehog
Lee Cornes as Dick Head
Nick Scott as "Skullcrusher" Henderson
- Richie: So, Spudgun, read any good books lately?.. I’ll make it easier, you thought about anything... ever?
- Richie: Stand back birds, it's the Hammersmith Hard Men!
- Eddie: I’ll have a pint of Mild in a half-pint glass.
- Dick Head: Come on, I’m very busy!
- Eddie: *Looks around the pub* No, you’re not!
- Dick Head: No, but I’ve been on a Publican’s Refresher course in customer relations, so... Come on, hurry up and order you time-wasting parasites... OR I’LL SET THE DOGS ON YA!!
- Dick Head: Right, I’d like to welcome you all to the Lamb & Flag, and I’d like to welcome our rival pub; the Dog & Handgun.
- D&H Contestant: Get on with it, you latent homosexual! *throws a beer glass at Dick*
- Dick Head: Alright, Alright! Keep it friendly, we all got three months last time remember?!
- Richie: *Presses buzzer* Daffodils!
- Dick Head: Wrong.
- Richie: It bloody is.
- Dick Head: No it isn’t.
- Richie: Are you calling me a liar?
- Dick Head: No, I’m calling you a tosser.
- Richie: Well, that’s okay then.
- Skullcrusher: Hang on!
- Richie: Is there some sort of... problem officer?
- Skullcrusher: I can’t take this, it’s forged.
- Richie: What?!
- Eddie: No, it’s not!
- Skullcrusher: Yes It is, I’m the one that forged it. Look, that ain’t the queen... It’s Danny La Rue!
- Eddie: Well it’s A queen.
- Richie: Well...Won’t that do?
- Skullcrusher: Fraid not lads... IT’S SKULL-CRUSHING TIME!
- The episode marks the final appearance of Spudgun, Dave Hedgehog and Dick Head. The actor of Spudgun would later appear in Guest House Paradiso as the chef.
- The episode marks the only appearance of the Skullcrusher.
- When Dick pours the pint of Pernod, you can see that the bottle is empty and the pint glass full of liquid is already resting behind the bar.
- Richie twice acknowledges the nurses in the pub as if he had only just seen them, first when he walks in giving his "Hammersmith Hard Men" speech and second when he and the boys take their places at the table.
- Early on in the episode, when Dave Hedgehog becomes startled by Richie asking him what he had been thinking about, he tries to shout Eddie for help, but you can hear him accidentally say Adrian’s name instead of Eddie’s. Dave Hedgehog: “No! I don’t know anything, I haven’t been thinking at all! Ade, help!”.
- The "teeth spitting" gag was used in Bottom Live two and a half years prior.