"Burglary" is the third episode of the second series. It was first broadcast on 15 October 1992. Richie and Eddie catch a burglar in their flat.
Richie is sat at the dining table reading a newspaper; he is clearly bored and irritable, and Eddie is nowhere to be seen. Eddie then barges in drunk, having left the flat several hours earlier to get some fish and chips and failed to return. Richie is furious with him, and whilst he is busy chastising him, Eddie downs a bottle of bleach and passes out. Richie heaves him to bed with a makeshift rig, then proceeds to masturbate out of boredom. A loud bang from downstairs alerts Richie, who wakes Eddie up and convinces him there is a burglar downstairs. He happens to be correct when he falls down the stairs and lands on top of one of them.
They take the burglar hostage in hope of performing a Sweeney-style police interrogation, and sellotape him to a chair. Richie then calls the police to report a burglary, however during the call Eddie finds a swag bag full of expensive jewellery and Richie quickly ends the call. Planning to take the jewellery for themselves and leave the country, then cook up a poisoned cup of tea for the burglary and force him to drink it, however he regurgitates most of it soon after. The police then arrive, sending both into a panic. Richie answers the door and the two officers walk in, highly suspicious at the state of the flat; the burglar however is nowhere to be seen, and they leave.
Eddie is revealed to have sellotaped the burglar to the ceiling, and whilst they discuss ways of getting him down, another burglar sneaks in and knocks them both out. They rouse soon after, bound to the dining room chairs with mouse traps set on their testicles. Eddie's attention is drawn to a small note sellotaped to his knee which reads "Sue Carpenter." The episode ends with the mouse traps triggering on their genitals.
Paul Bradley as Burglar #1
Rupert Bates as PS Jones